24 weeks pregnant and so far, so good, not feeling too anxious or particularly worried. I’m still early enough in my pregnancy that midwife appointments are spaced far apart, and I have no imminent jabs or scans, any worries I have are range from how much extra weight will I put on through boredom snacking during isolation with little exercise to will I be able to buy formula and nappies if this drags on? Whilst my July due date is still far off, as time goes on I do find myself wondering what things will be like by then. Will the baby be at risk once she’s born? At the moment I strongly feel the safest place for her is in my tummy.
If I have to stay in hospital for any length of time post birth how long before Ill be able to have visitors and see my son if the current restrictions are still in place? Do I even want to give birth in hospital, having experienced my first midwife appointment at the hospital this week, due to strict measures in place, all for my own good, I couldn’t wait to leave and felt very exposed and vulnerable. Its weird, because even though from the start of all this people kept telling me I was vulnerable it wasn’t really until my appointment that I actually felt vulnerable and actually thought about the reality of being pregnant during this difficult time. I don’t envy those who’ve given birth or are about to in the midst of this craziness. Whilst I’m not overly worried, I think, I prey we’re through this by the time July comes around, I feel regret and upset that I’m missing out on all the one on one time doing the great things I had planned with my son before the baby arrives and he has to share my time.
I feel cheated that my son wasn’t able to come to the midwife appointment with me to hear his sister’s heartbeat as we’d always planned but it’s not the end of the world as I was able to record it on my phone and played it back for him when I got home and there will be other appointments. I’m annoyed that what should be an exciting time is at the moment on hold and uncertain, more of a burden it feels at times (selfishly I know). I struggle trying to find that balance between making my son aware of the current danger but not installing so much fear that once this is all over he is too frightened to leave the house and visit the park! These thoughts whirl round my mind constantly but then I have to check myself and remember that my family is happy and healthy which cant be said for a lot of people, especially at the moment. This is only a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things and once this is over I can’t wait to take my son to buy his little sister that ‘purple bunny rabbit’ teddy I promised him he could buy.