October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and I've asked the bravest mumma I know and one of my bestie's, Heather, to share with us what it means to her. It's everyone's worse nightmare losing a baby or child but Heather is sharing her story to help others who may be experiencing loss but also to help the rest of us support anyone going through this in their lives.
My story and my amazing son Rudy!
We have two beautiful girls and when we found out our third baby was going to be a boy we were all so excited. The girls couldn't wait to meet their little brother!
Rudy was born on the 9th January 2020. We had the shock of our lives when at birth Rudy was diagnosed with a very rare condition called Chromosome Deletion. We were soon told that this would massively affect his health and life. Our little man fought for nearly 6 months. I am so proud of him, everything he went through and the way he handled it, but sadly on the 26th June 2020 he couldn’t fight any longer. Rudy passed away and went to a place where he could finally find some peace.
Losing a child is something no parent should ever have to face but it happens to more people than you realise. It is an indescribable feeling. Like a numbness and a sick feeling that never leaves you. I don't think you ever grieve for your child, you just learn to live with a new normal. The normal you had planned with your child is gone. Watching them grow is gone, hearing them say mum or even their
first word, all gone. I can only describe it as a nightmare that will never leave you and something that you think about every second of every day - “I’ve lost my son”. It's also a feeling that you don’t ever want to forget. I used to have to wake up countless times every night to give Rudy his meds and I find myself wanting to feel that tired again, wanting to wake up every hour as it would mean that he's still here. I always want to be able to smell his smell and feel the feel of his cheek when I kissed it. I don't ever want to forget those things.
Losing a child isn't spoken about enough. Most people are scared to talk to you about it in case they upset you. When I'm having conversations about Rudy and losing him, I've found myself worrying more about how the other person is feeling and not wanting them to feel awkward or uncomfortable than how I'm feeling. No one knows what to say. Most of the time I can't wait to talk about him and tell people all about him! He's my son and I want to tell everyone everything about him, the same as I do with my girls.
Talking is the best thing anyone can do to help. Remember the good and not the bad. I was lucky to have my Rudy for the 5 1/2 months he graced this world. He made my world a better place just like all the angel babies out there.
If you know someone who has lost a child or a baby they never got to meet, just give them a call and check on them. Ask how they are doing as their feelings never go away.
Losing any loved one is hard but losing a child is just not right. So, not just for this month, but always, keep in your thoughts those who have lost their babies and are struggling to move on and live their lives. Our angel babies are with us always.
In loving memory of Rudy. xx