Someone asked me the other day if I felt bitter towards the virus and what it meant for my pregnancy. What did covid mean to me whilst being pregnant for the first time? And I’ve never really thought about it until now... so here goes...
Pearly-May, my first born, will be known as a “lock-down” baby, and I don’t know how I feel about that. In some ways, it makes me smile, to think we (Pearly and I) got through a global pandemic together and can both grow together now as a new mumma and baby working out what this new world means for the both of us.
In other ways, I resent the label “covid baby” or “lock-down baby” - I don’t want my pregnancy/birth or motherhood to be defined by these times we’re in, especially not in a negative way. In some ways, being pregnant and having a new born during lockdown was a blessing in disguise. The love and support that I felt from friends, family and even people on social media during lockdown especially the early days) was so comforting. Time I spent with my husband, indoors nesting, slowly day by day working out where would be the optimum place for our daughters Moses basket in our tiny London flat.
Time. This is what my husband and I gained during my “lock -down”pregnancy. We were unapologetically hibernating and preparing for the arrival of our Pealry-May. And with this time and sense of quiet, I was allowed to go through all the emotions expectant mums go through, privately. And, that doesn’t suit everyone, isolation (especially with the hormones that being preggers brings) can be the very thing that sends your mental health into a downward spiral. I experienced this in ways too, and because of this I think my pregnancy in lockdown made me explore and own my own mental health. Covid-19 made me face my ultimate fear, and that was being out of control. Pregnant, scared , frustrated and angry because I felt like the virus robbed me of the “perfect pregnant experience” - but instead, I feel like I learned so much from being away from distractions that my pre-covid world threw at me every second of the day, and so I was able to relish in my pregnancy, good days...bad days...really bad days.... ALL OF IT.
Reading other women’s experiences of how they felt during lockdown and how it effected them, is emotional. In some ways you feel like you belong to the same club, same sorority....but the reality of being pregnant during this time could sometimes feel the most lonely.
I’ll look back on the last 9 months knowing Pearly-May and I made the best team. It was us against the world, and she’s going to be such a strong woman in her world...our new world.